I stand in awe. I stand speechless. I stand tall. Not because of my own strength – but because I have had the privilege of standing next to strong souls. strong hearts. stubborn spirits. The day of the Senate passing a bill that could potentially begin the steps to ending the Heart of Madness. Madness like I have never seen or heard. My friend, Andy, asked me that night…..
How do you feel?
How do I feel? (Wait, I’m usually the one asking that question – not used to the tables being turned. But I answered without even thinking….)
How do I feel? In awe of God. In awe of what good is actually in the human spirit. Realizing more and more that I’m less and less blown away at God’s hand in this work. not because he is less amazing – but because I’m expecting his hand around every corner more and more.
The more I believe – the more I see his fingerprints. It’s like magic.
He loves these kids so much. It’s like a testimony to the beauty that can be found in suffering.
I feel full
The real deal is this: I don’t even like politics. A year ago I didn’t know a constituent from a barbiturate. Now I am finding myself practically begging people to call their local senator, speaking at press conferences, writing letters to politicians I don’t even know and lobbying for children that I do. Know. In their inner most heart.
I cry FOR them because I have cried WITH them, and I will never stop fighting FOR them until my dying breath.
Why? Why have I gone from avoiding political conversations like bad sushi to sleeping on a sidewalk outside a senator’s office with some of the FINEST people around? From thinking that my voice makes little difference in this great big Web of Washington to refusing to eat solid foods for nine days to change the mind of an Oklahoma Senator?
I am alive…..and I believe through Passionate Living that I can bring life to others. I believe because I choose to hope. It’s contagious – and it could have easily been seen in and out of the Chase Building in Oklahoma City. I was there less than 24 hours and I could see it. Feel it. The Power of Believing. It could be seen in grown men who joined the young peaceful protestors outside of Senator Coburn’s office because they started to believe in the cause. It could be seen in the quiet strength of a deli worker who bought food out of his own pocket for those “concrete sleepers” because he saw democracy in their eyes. It could be seen in the bond that brought over 50 people together – woven in community.
The passion of living for something bigger than yourself is undeniably larger than life. Finding your voice. Finding your purpose. It makes you come to life. And I wonder? At what point do you lose passion in life and at what point can you get it back. Do you lose it when the rat race begins? When the scars and disappointments of life leave you face-first? When realities of family and power struggles with two year-olds become louder than your dreams? When do we stop dreaming? When do we stop believing? When does LIFE steal away LIVING?
You see, the answer lies in perspective and the question comes in wondering. Wondering. I am in my 30s. Single. No children. Living Alone. And I wonder…. if I had a family. a husband. children. Would I still have passion? Would I still breathe life in as I do now? I believe. I believe you can both Live and Have Life.
As I said to my soul brother the week before……
“We are the lucky ones, you know. Some people’s hearts are never broken like ours are. They never feel their pain. It comes with heartache, but I welcome it. Wisdom in suffering – mine and theirs”
Thanks to all of you concrete sleepers, mercy-fasters, silent soldiers, long-suffering, shower-less wonders. Together we can do more. The Oklahoma Hold Out. It was a beautiful testimony of tenacity and resilience. And Democracy.
The power of believing.
Wishing those kiddos could have seen you fighting for them. Lucky to have been able to be a small part.
Much Love – b